Dear God, why?

4th January 2011. Just received news that my dog is dying, suffering badly from cancer, blood all over, rotten flesh, barely able to move and eat, and she will be put to sleep to end her misery.

Dear God, WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??????????!!!!!!!!!


I don't know how much longer I can take this shit.

as i dance with the devil tonight...

2010 has come and gone. And every new year, or at least, the end of it, it has never failed to bring me heartache. I'm beginning to fear New Year celebrations. Is there such a thing as a new beginning?

31st December 2010. I got my heart broken 2 minutes before the clock struck midnight.

2nd January 2011. I received heart wrenching news.

3rd January 2011. I am struggling to live normally and put a smile on my face.

In my mind, I imagined that someone psycho is going to kill me. Funnily, I wasn't scared. I just laid on the ground and started laughing. And I prayed to God to forgive me. And I prayed for my brother to grow up and take care of my parents. And I closed my eyes. Then the whole thing ended. Funny, huh? I couldn't even imagine the ending to this story. Will the killer pause, and start crying with me? Or will I flame his anger, and he stabs me repeatedly?

if only you could read this and turn over

Dear You,

I've been there with you through thick and thin, defended you and helped you learn from your mistakes while covering up your dirty little tracks. I have loved you so much; so, so much that you cannot imagine how much it pains me to hear what shit you have put through to not only yourself but the people who care for you the most.

Never in my life did I imagine that you can turn out to be so absurdly selfish, so bastardly in your ways to bite the hand that feeds you again and again. And to be so cruel in implementing your selfishness.

You turn a blind eye towards the suffering we put ourselves through to give you the best - I have to ask, was it intentional? How can you be so ignorant for years? If only I could slap you and make you come to your senses, and if only a slap would work on you.

Because of you, we cannot help but point the fingers to ourselves. Were we the ones who created this monster? Did we make you like this? Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. Shame on me. Shame on us. Are you happy now?