laugh your heart out!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!

Ok, ok. I know that my beloved blog is so damn desperate for a new post. Heck, I myself am sick of the Gwen Stefani post which is sooooo like, last year!

For now, I am gonna skip my intended post on the weekend musical which I attended last week with my dears, Ah Ma and Maria... because I was reading some jokes just now and I simply had to share it with the world!

Enjoy!

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the surrogate father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon" Half an hour later, just by chance a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, madam. I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good. I've made a speciality of babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat."

After a moment, she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me!"
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But, if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven different angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot of....." gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures.
"This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London."
"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes," the photographer said, "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean squirrels actually chewed on your, um......equipment?"
"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so we can get to work."
"Tripod?????"
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam? ....... Good Lord, she's fainted!!"


Enjoyed it? Hehe... The following one is truly a Malaysian joke! *winks*


Samy Vellu was visiting India when he fell and broke his jaw. He was unable to speak. Being the great leader that he is, he continued his grand tour.

On the last week of his visit, although unable to speak, Samy insisted on sending a message home to his Cabinet colleagues. Samy caught a chicken and showed it to the camera. Next he took a goat, and showed it to the camera. Finally he took a bag and displayed it in front of the camera.

Dr Ling was the first to see the video clip. He said, "Samy is telling us that India has insufficient food because he showed us a chicken and a goat and he wants Malaysia to donate bags of rice."

Mahathir watched silently then said,"No lah....what Samy is trying to say is HE IS COMING BACK."

The whole Cabinet was puzzled and look to the old man for an explanation. Mahathir reasoned, "AYAM KAMBING BAG." ("I am coming back" in Indian accent).


Disclaimer: No racism intended! Its just a joke, for goodness' sake!

Gwen Stefani in Malaysia

No, I didn't go to her concert. Didn't really care about her coming to Malaysia since I'm not such a big fan of her musically, but fashion-wise, I like her style. More often than not, her clothes are kinda quirky but you have to admit, she is one helluva creative and hot babe. Quirky yet sexy. Now how does that connect? Only she can make quirky so damn sexy.

Eh, eh... I'm rambling like an idiot here. Anyway, the purpose of this post is to give my two cents on the supposedly "moral decay" caused by the mere gesture of Gwen Stefani who came and performed in this moderate country of ours, and who adhered to strict guidelines as to what she can wear and do onstage.

"...Malaysia's official guide for performers says women must be covered from the top of the bosom to the knees, the Star said. Jumping, shouting and the throwing of objects are barred, while performers may not hug, kiss or wear clothes with obscene or drug-related pictures or slogans, it added..."

Ok. So she had to cover up, the poor girl. Else, she would cause a massive epidemic of anemia. People, especially the youngsters, would have to be rushed to hospitals for severe lack of blood due to unstoppable nose bleeds at the sight of her bare toes. And cos there aren't enough hospitals, let alone blood supply to accomodate such a large number of anemic-stricken patients, there goes our future leaders of tomorrow. Our hope of the nation wiped out just like that. Poof! And newspaper headlines would scream "Gwen Stefani's exposed toes wreak havoc!"

That's just her bare toes. What if she had jumped in the middle of the concert? OMG! Up and down, up and down, up and down... Even if she wears a baju kurung I doubt that she could've prevented her chest from moving in accordance to the laws of gravity and inertia. And no question about it, the people attending the concert would die on the spot. Highly likely from a ruptured blood vessel in the brain - no, make that blood vessels. The sight of Gwen Stefani's chest in action is just too much excitement for them to take. Imagine the headlines: "Gwen Stefani's chest linked to mass haemorrhage!"

Tsk tsk! Now I see why certain youth groups protested so fiercely against her concert. They do it for the sake of the country...

*look of dawned realisation*

"Moral decay" would be putting it mildly. "Killing spree" would be more fitting.

"...an official of the 10,000-strong National Union of Malaysian Muslim Students said Stefani's video promotion clips were obscene and the event would clash with local Asian and Islamic values..."

For one, I am Asian and being the Asian that I am, I really can't see how Gwen Stefani's promotional clips would clash with my Asian values. Would it make me break out a "Sweet Escape" in the middle of lecture with Martha-Marie? Who knows, she might sing it with me and it can be the Reading Law anthem!

Or would it make me bleach my hair platinum blond and wear lala clothes to lectures in my feeble attempt to imitate her style? Hmmm... maybe it would make me dance like her Harajuku Girls on my way to Asia Cafe for lunch.

Ah well, if that is the case, I salute Gwen Stefani even more for being such an inspiration! But seriously, I really have to give it to her for performing in Malaysia despite being forced to follow strict guidelines and yet, was still labelled as the "moral decay" factor of Malaysian youths.

In answer to that accusation, I believe the following three alphabets are enough to convey my opinions - WTF???? (Question marks are not alphabets)

In any case, if any of you wanna read the only piece of news article which I managed to find after 5 difficult minutes of surfing the net, here's the link : Gwen Stefani to cover up for Malaysia show

Have fun!

Mardi Gras rocks!

What's a girl to do when its a Friday night and her housemates have left for their hometowns? Go clubbing lah!

And so, that's what I did! Went with Mel and his friend from Singapore, Khoon, to this newly launched club in One World (the hotel in One U, in case u all dunno) and oh my gawd!!!!

This is seriously IT, ppl! This is the club to go! The club is called Mardi Gras and I simply loved the atmosphere there. Ok, to be fair, the deco was wasn't too spectacular or anything but it was ok. The dancing space was even smaller than Maisons'! But...

There's always a but...

There were a few dancing stages for ppl to dance on (duh~) and the most eye-catching one was this huge and round stage where water was spurting out in several places like fountains and the spotlight was focused mainly on that stage.

*Evil laughs*

Guys would definitely lurrrvvv that place cos they have very, very scantily clad girl dancers dancing oh so seductively. I'm not kidding when I say that the guys there actually stopped dancing just to ogle at the dancers and I could have sworn I saw several nose-bleeds...

Now, connect the water stage and the dancers together... *another very very evil laugh*

Yesssssss... it doesn't take an idiot to put two and two together - wet dancers gyrating suggestively to the beat of the music while water was being shot up their thighs. And whenever the dancers start their "wet dancing", the bartender would ring this big-ass bell, and all eyes would zoom to the water stage - guys and girls alike.

Ahem! Please don't be misconceived. Mardi Gras is no strip club.

Mel, me and Khoon

Blood brothers

-_-"

And ppl, I tell you why I love Mardi Gras - it plays RnB and hip-hop music ONLY! Wooohooo!! There is no Friday-night-is-house-music bullshit! And since its new, there wasn't any cover charge and we only paid for our drinks. Thanks for the vodka-coke, Khoon! And not only that, the place is filled with happening young ppl, not old ah-peks like those found in Q Bar... Did I mention that that place is also ideal if you're in need of some "eye-washing" exercises?

*drools*

Ahahaha... On this note, let me tell you about this hot chick we all noticed once we entered the club. What's clubbing without some drama? This hot chick was wearing white and a non-existent short shorts and she's quite the dancer. She definitely can move and she has a body which puts Ah Ma to shame!

She was dancing steamily with this guy - shaking her ass left, right, up, down and centre - and we were all thinking, "Wow! That bastard is damn lucky!". Mana tau, when we took a closer look, we all nearly fainted! The lucky bastard was this uncle-looking and fat, bespectacled boy!

Za dou lorrhhhh...

U can practically see all the guys eye-ing the hot chick and glaring at the bastard. Must be his birthday that night... Anyway, her bad taste aside, she's still hot and they danced more and more - intimately, for want of a better word; to the point that the guy hoisted the chick up on his shoulders and the way she was riding him... *sweats*

Furong Jie Jie: "I let you ride me like donkey in your brain"

O.o

Moving on, remember the water stage? Yeah, well... after the dancers were done showing their stuff ("stuff" meaning dance moves - what were you thinking? Tsk tsk!) the chick decided that the dancers needed to learn a thing or two from her. So up she went...

Trying too hard to be sexy

She totally spoilt her hot chick image. When she went up there, she laid herself down the metal railings and tried to do a Beyonce (like in the video Naughty Girl) by moving one leg up and down repeatedly!

*Faints*

The girl can barely do a ninety degree, let alone a full split! She's just not flexible enough, and yet still wanna act sexy. Wtf? In the end, it looked horribly like a Russian kicking dance to me...

Kick kick kick!

She should have just stuck to this

Sorry girl, but ur no longer hot.