if only you could read this and turn over

Dear You,

I've been there with you through thick and thin, defended you and helped you learn from your mistakes while covering up your dirty little tracks. I have loved you so much; so, so much that you cannot imagine how much it pains me to hear what shit you have put through to not only yourself but the people who care for you the most.

Never in my life did I imagine that you can turn out to be so absurdly selfish, so bastardly in your ways to bite the hand that feeds you again and again. And to be so cruel in implementing your selfishness.

You turn a blind eye towards the suffering we put ourselves through to give you the best - I have to ask, was it intentional? How can you be so ignorant for years? If only I could slap you and make you come to your senses, and if only a slap would work on you.

Because of you, we cannot help but point the fingers to ourselves. Were we the ones who created this monster? Did we make you like this? Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. Shame on me. Shame on us. Are you happy now?

twisted observation

One day, I decided to take a back seat and observe as the world moves around me. As expected, no one noticed that I was the only one sitting still. The rest are in motion, too busy to notice, too engrossed to care.

It made me think, do people only care when they have the time for it? Interesting isn't it? Admit it, we have all been guilty of forgetting to care on plenty of occasions. Its not that we don't care, we just don't have the time for it. Because we need to care more for our needs before we can afford to care for something else.

Ah, the selfish human nature. Even the most loyal and giving of human beings are selfish. Who cares what has the world come to? The world hasn't come to anything. As usual, everyone puts their needs first and people act "shocked" at how cold society has become. Oh come on. Stop being hypocrites. Ultimately, it is yourself who have to help you. And in the process of helping yourself, you unintentionally neglect the rest. And the neglected somehow pass by without seeing you; they are neglecting you as well.

Interesting. We only see ourselves until we choose to make time for something or someone else.

Hmmm... now, do you think I am twisted? ;)

got me thinking

Guess the lyrics:

"Just gonna stand there and watch me burn, but that's alright cos I love the way it hurts~~~"

Even a monkey can tell that its the song from Eminem ft Rihanna - Love The Way You Lie. You must be dumber than a monkey to not know this.

Anyhoo, I love Eminem. His lyrics can be really meaningful for most times. And this song including the video tells of an abusive relationship. I like how it is from the viewpoint of the people who are stuck in such a relationship, instead of outsiders witnessing the abuse. Because, outsiders can never fully understand how it is like, unless if they themselves used to be abused.

The other day, Honey M asked me, would you leave the person that you love despite knowing that you are being abused?

*Slap!* Nyahahhahahah! (K la, k la, not funny)

Sorry. I digressed with the above picure. But back to the topic, it was a difficult question to answer. The logical (and supposedly quick) response would be "Yes". But what if he abuses you, and after that become very sweet and seemingly remorseful? Because you love him so much, you are willing to give him chance after chance after chance. You take the abuse, because you would rather stay with him than imagine being with someone else who could treat you better and you'd give excuses like, but he is really sweet to me afterwards.

OK, something more serious

You are willing to live that way because there is always the sweet in bittersweet. The saying 'you must first learn to love yourself before others can love you' seem to play little significance. Its not that you don't love yourself, but you love him more than yourself. In the end, you get used to it and find pleasure in pain. After a while, it is what keeps you going. The thought of a smooth life becomes bleak.

It really is tough to leave, even though the other partner is aware that he/she is being abused. The love in such a relationship is so intense that you cannot deny that there is no love; its just in a sick and twisted way.

Btw, this is just my naive and sick and twisted opinion and this in no way generalizes all abused partners in a relationship. Hate it, love it, whatever. Its my blog.