Fear. It means differently for different people.
Apart from my phobia of cockroaches and lift doors (use that against me and u'll feel the full extent of my wrath), I have a very personal fear. The fear of losing him.
What got me thinking of this fear was hearing how a friend broke up with his girlfriend. I understood why he did it. And to be honest, it really was the lesser of two evils. But I won't say that he handled it well. The girl loved him deeply. But he told her, "I cannot love you."
I know very well how much that hurts. It really, really hurts. To love someone so deeply, and to hear from his/her own mouth that they can never love you; its probably one of the worst emotional pain ever. Personally, I think that he might have broken her unintentionally. His poor ex would have a really tough time recovering.
When I first started my relationship, I had a couple of nightmares. Those nightmares ultimately ended in him leaving me. I'd wake up in a sweat, heart thumping and all that. And it would be difficult for me to fall asleep again. It made me paranoid. I was scared of the situation I was in.
Fresh from being broken; I was struggling to recover and finally made some progress. To be broken immediately for the second time would kill me. I would probably end up in a mental ward or spiral into depression and do something silly.
The funny thing was, I trusted him. I gave him my commitment and truly believed and knew that he was committed to me as well. So why was I having these nightmares? It doesn't make sense. I was thinking, was I so traumatised by my past that it left a mark?
I used to be an independent lover. Guys came and go without much thought. They can cheat on me, be mean; I'll probably get hurt but I would recover in roughly 2-3 days. Love didn't mean much to me.
It took me awhile to realise that these nightmares were the result of my deep rooted fears. What happened in the past taught me that I am capable of so much love, and that deep down inside, I yearned to be loved. To finally have found love; and if it were to be taken away from me, it would be crushing.
I have to admit, the past really did affect me. I've seemed to become a twitchy little rabbit, fearful of every little obstacle a relationship brings; quick to blame myself for every single thing that brings about an argument. I love my boyfriend so much; so, so much, no one can imagine how much I love him. Its scary how much I love him. Which was why, understandably, my biggest fear would be to lose him.
I imagined myself in my friend's ex's shoes. If my beloved were to tell me after a year that he discovered he simply cannot love me...
*chokes*
People always think that I am strong; in life, in love. Now the truth is out. I'm strong but in love, hidden beneath that hard exterior lies a fragile me. The fragile me will always have that fear - that fear which is so devastating to me; to lose him for whatsoever reason - despite what people say, I wonder how long will it take before it finally leaves me, if it even goes away at all.
So what's ur biggest fear?
Apart from my phobia of cockroaches and lift doors (use that against me and u'll feel the full extent of my wrath), I have a very personal fear. The fear of losing him.
What got me thinking of this fear was hearing how a friend broke up with his girlfriend. I understood why he did it. And to be honest, it really was the lesser of two evils. But I won't say that he handled it well. The girl loved him deeply. But he told her, "I cannot love you."
I know very well how much that hurts. It really, really hurts. To love someone so deeply, and to hear from his/her own mouth that they can never love you; its probably one of the worst emotional pain ever. Personally, I think that he might have broken her unintentionally. His poor ex would have a really tough time recovering.
When I first started my relationship, I had a couple of nightmares. Those nightmares ultimately ended in him leaving me. I'd wake up in a sweat, heart thumping and all that. And it would be difficult for me to fall asleep again. It made me paranoid. I was scared of the situation I was in.
Fresh from being broken; I was struggling to recover and finally made some progress. To be broken immediately for the second time would kill me. I would probably end up in a mental ward or spiral into depression and do something silly.
The funny thing was, I trusted him. I gave him my commitment and truly believed and knew that he was committed to me as well. So why was I having these nightmares? It doesn't make sense. I was thinking, was I so traumatised by my past that it left a mark?
I used to be an independent lover. Guys came and go without much thought. They can cheat on me, be mean; I'll probably get hurt but I would recover in roughly 2-3 days. Love didn't mean much to me.
It took me awhile to realise that these nightmares were the result of my deep rooted fears. What happened in the past taught me that I am capable of so much love, and that deep down inside, I yearned to be loved. To finally have found love; and if it were to be taken away from me, it would be crushing.
I have to admit, the past really did affect me. I've seemed to become a twitchy little rabbit, fearful of every little obstacle a relationship brings; quick to blame myself for every single thing that brings about an argument. I love my boyfriend so much; so, so much, no one can imagine how much I love him. Its scary how much I love him. Which was why, understandably, my biggest fear would be to lose him.
I imagined myself in my friend's ex's shoes. If my beloved were to tell me after a year that he discovered he simply cannot love me...
*chokes*
People always think that I am strong; in life, in love. Now the truth is out. I'm strong but in love, hidden beneath that hard exterior lies a fragile me. The fragile me will always have that fear - that fear which is so devastating to me; to lose him for whatsoever reason - despite what people say, I wonder how long will it take before it finally leaves me, if it even goes away at all.
So what's ur biggest fear?
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