what's this? an update?!

0_0"

Omigosh! Its an update! Yeshhhhh, it ishhhhh! Proof that I am still alive and didn't drown somewhere. Choi! But yea, you get my point.

I feel this sudden urge to type and post something. My fingers were just itching to type. I don't even know why. Must be my body's way of protesting for abandoning my blog for so f*ing long.

Uh-huh. I just cursed politely (if there's even such a thing). Noticed I put an asterisk (*) in the middle of the word f-u-c-k-i-n-g? Oh no, I typed the whole thing out. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF! I'm trying to be a more polite person here, so please gimme some time and bear with me. You know u love me.

Ok, enough bullshit (I was merely putting in a mention of the shit of a bull - don't think wrongly, u dirty, dirty minded peeps). I know its kinda waaaaaaayyyy belated but I'm gonna blog a bit about my birthday!

It was awesomeness! My boyfriend took a week off from work and stayed with me in Reading the entire time! Wheee! And this year, for some reason, I didn't really feel like going all out and getting myself pissed crazy like normal. And no, its not cos I'm getting older. I simply felt so happy and contented to be spending time with my close ones. Yea, simple me.

:)

Pressies time!

My lovely boyfriend got me Dior J'adore!!!!!! *screams!* I love that scent and I was saving up for it but he sneakily bought it right under my nose (I feel so stupid) and gave it to me once the clock struck midnight. Awwwwwww~~~~

J'adore, yo! J'ADORE! J'ADOOOORRREEEE!!!!!

I smell like a million bucks now. I absolutely love and adore him so, so much! *shy* And when I first got it, I was so tempted to spray half the bottle on my bed so I can sleep in sweet-smelling goodness but my boyfriend and Moeko went "Nooooooo!!!"

LOL.

Dear Moeko gave me the Body Shop Vitamin E skin care and a bar of nice smelling Body Shop soap as well... wait a minute. Do I smell? 0_0"

:D

And she made me Japanese curry for dinner, and organised a drinking session in the house for me. She invited some of her close friends and we had such a wacky time and ahem, things went well for her too. Ahem, ahem.

...

Ahem.

Ok, ok. Enough coughing for no reason. Now, on to Warina, Miriam and Master's gifts for me. You won't ever believe that they actually got those for me. I couldn't believe my eyes either! Woah, Kinkina... I'm impressed! Heheheheh!

Its actually much more sexier than it looks... Trust me, you haven't seen the sides yet ;)

Chocolate and Strawberry Body Pen

Woah, woah, woah!!!!! Ahem, ahem, ahem, ahem, ahem! Let me assure you, these gifts were put to good use. No questions allowed. Miaowr~

I had a really great birthday and I feel sooo loved! *tears* But of cos, I do miss all my bitches and 38-pohs. It would be FABULOUS to have everyone with me, but well, that's wishful thinking.

I LOVE YOU ALL!!! THANK YOUUUUUUU!!!


Appetizer?
Unfortunately, I left my camera charger back home in Malaysia; and now that my battery is dead and my charger is halfway around the world on its way back to me, I couldn't take and upload pics. This explains the internet searched pics you see on this post.

Even more unfortunately, I had a night out with Moeko with the Japanese, Kazakh and Polish societies where I couldn't take pics! So, we had to use one of her fren's cam to camwhore for like, 10 pics (*tulan face*). It was quite unfortunate cos we got VIP tix! Free champagne, strawberries and a waiter to boot. But I'm waiting for the pics to go up on fb, and then, y'all will know the drama of the night. I was seriously so mad, I literally screamed in the club. Sigh. There goes my image.

animal pron

Imagine if u were a walrus. Fat. Ugly. The good news is, all your fellow walruses aren't that attractive either. But what happens when ur considered ugly even for a walrus among ur own kind (if there is such a thing)? U get lonely because no female walruses would want to mate with you.

What then, does an ugly male walrus does when he needs a fix? He sucks his own dick.




That's one desperate walrus. Don't you just love Youtube? LOLOLOLOL!!!!!

thoughts at midnight

Fear. It means differently for different people.

Apart from my phobia of cockroaches and lift doors (use that against me and u'll feel the full extent of my wrath), I have a very personal fear. The fear of losing him.

What got me thinking of this fear was hearing how a friend broke up with his girlfriend. I understood why he did it. And to be honest, it really was the lesser of two evils. But I won't say that he handled it well. The girl loved him deeply. But he told her, "I cannot love you."

I know very well how much that hurts. It really, really hurts. To love someone so deeply, and to hear from his/her own mouth that they can never love you; its probably one of the worst emotional pain ever. Personally, I think that he might have broken her unintentionally. His poor ex would have a really tough time recovering.

When I first started my relationship, I had a couple of nightmares. Those nightmares ultimately ended in him leaving me. I'd wake up in a sweat, heart thumping and all that. And it would be difficult for me to fall asleep again. It made me paranoid. I was scared of the situation I was in.

Fresh from being broken; I was struggling to recover and finally made some progress. To be broken immediately for the second time would kill me. I would probably end up in a mental ward or spiral into depression and do something silly.

The funny thing was, I trusted him. I gave him my commitment and truly believed and knew that he was committed to me as well. So why was I having these nightmares? It doesn't make sense. I was thinking, was I so traumatised by my past that it left a mark?

I used to be an independent lover. Guys came and go without much thought. They can cheat on me, be mean; I'll probably get hurt but I would recover in roughly 2-3 days. Love didn't mean much to me.

It took me awhile to realise that these nightmares were the result of my deep rooted fears. What happened in the past taught me that I am capable of so much love, and that deep down inside, I yearned to be loved. To finally have found love; and if it were to be taken away from me, it would be crushing.

I have to admit, the past really did affect me. I've seemed to become a twitchy little rabbit, fearful of every little obstacle a relationship brings; quick to blame myself for every single thing that brings about an argument. I love my boyfriend so much; so, so much, no one can imagine how much I love him. Its scary how much I love him. Which was why, understandably, my biggest fear would be to lose him.

I imagined myself in my friend's ex's shoes. If my beloved were to tell me after a year that he discovered he simply cannot love me...

*chokes*

People always think that I am strong; in life, in love. Now the truth is out. I'm strong but in love, hidden beneath that hard exterior lies a fragile me. The fragile me will always have that fear - that fear which is so devastating to me; to lose him for whatsoever reason - despite what people say, I wonder how long will it take before it finally leaves me, if it even goes away at all.

So what's ur biggest fear?