animal pron

Imagine if u were a walrus. Fat. Ugly. The good news is, all your fellow walruses aren't that attractive either. But what happens when ur considered ugly even for a walrus among ur own kind (if there is such a thing)? U get lonely because no female walruses would want to mate with you.

What then, does an ugly male walrus does when he needs a fix? He sucks his own dick.




That's one desperate walrus. Don't you just love Youtube? LOLOLOLOL!!!!!

thoughts at midnight

Fear. It means differently for different people.

Apart from my phobia of cockroaches and lift doors (use that against me and u'll feel the full extent of my wrath), I have a very personal fear. The fear of losing him.

What got me thinking of this fear was hearing how a friend broke up with his girlfriend. I understood why he did it. And to be honest, it really was the lesser of two evils. But I won't say that he handled it well. The girl loved him deeply. But he told her, "I cannot love you."

I know very well how much that hurts. It really, really hurts. To love someone so deeply, and to hear from his/her own mouth that they can never love you; its probably one of the worst emotional pain ever. Personally, I think that he might have broken her unintentionally. His poor ex would have a really tough time recovering.

When I first started my relationship, I had a couple of nightmares. Those nightmares ultimately ended in him leaving me. I'd wake up in a sweat, heart thumping and all that. And it would be difficult for me to fall asleep again. It made me paranoid. I was scared of the situation I was in.

Fresh from being broken; I was struggling to recover and finally made some progress. To be broken immediately for the second time would kill me. I would probably end up in a mental ward or spiral into depression and do something silly.

The funny thing was, I trusted him. I gave him my commitment and truly believed and knew that he was committed to me as well. So why was I having these nightmares? It doesn't make sense. I was thinking, was I so traumatised by my past that it left a mark?

I used to be an independent lover. Guys came and go without much thought. They can cheat on me, be mean; I'll probably get hurt but I would recover in roughly 2-3 days. Love didn't mean much to me.

It took me awhile to realise that these nightmares were the result of my deep rooted fears. What happened in the past taught me that I am capable of so much love, and that deep down inside, I yearned to be loved. To finally have found love; and if it were to be taken away from me, it would be crushing.

I have to admit, the past really did affect me. I've seemed to become a twitchy little rabbit, fearful of every little obstacle a relationship brings; quick to blame myself for every single thing that brings about an argument. I love my boyfriend so much; so, so much, no one can imagine how much I love him. Its scary how much I love him. Which was why, understandably, my biggest fear would be to lose him.

I imagined myself in my friend's ex's shoes. If my beloved were to tell me after a year that he discovered he simply cannot love me...

*chokes*

People always think that I am strong; in life, in love. Now the truth is out. I'm strong but in love, hidden beneath that hard exterior lies a fragile me. The fragile me will always have that fear - that fear which is so devastating to me; to lose him for whatsoever reason - despite what people say, I wonder how long will it take before it finally leaves me, if it even goes away at all.

So what's ur biggest fear?

my life story in a day

Snow! Snow! Snow! Not in Malaysia. Duh~~~

Grab a cup of hot coffee and sit down as I recall the blizzard that hit Reading on the 21st December 2009.

Woke up to a bloody cold morning and after brunch, wanted to take a hot shower. Bloody hell, the shower heater wasn't working properly. The water was so damn cold and even after waiting for almost an hour, the heater wasn't really working.

*screams*

Luckily, thanks to being born smart (ahem, no comments pls) I adjusted the temperature and water pressure levels. And yay! Finally there was hot water but! There's always a fucking BUT. The higher the temperature was, the lower the water pressure. In the end, after making the water super hot, which consequently gave me decently heated water, the water that came out of the showerhead was literally as thick as 3 straws. Sigh. Took me an hour just to shower.

Then, by the time I got dressed to leave the house, it began to snow.

Taken from my room :)

The backyard - perfect for a snowman!

Y'all may be thinking "Syoknya!!! Jealous!" but oh noooo... its not as fun as it seems. Cos its cold and wet. And the walkways are slippery. So I left the house so that I can get home before dark.

Yeah, right.

Done all my shopping and stuff, wanted to take the bus home (cos I bought a day ticket) and waited for sooo long. Then people were announcing that no buses were running. Even before that, the snow was falling hard. Cars were moving at a snail's pace and you could see everyone just walking their way home.

Waiting for the bus and the snow was already picking up

After awhile - the pre-blizzard

Oh shit. By then the skies were turning dark. Ah, well. I had no choice but to walk home. And while walking home, the snow fell even harder with winds picking up. Took me more than an hour just to get home. On the way, I saw that cars were not moving, I had slipped more than a couple of times, my feet were numb, and I was bloody hungry. By the time I reached home, I was practically covered in snow. It was actually quite fun to shake it off before I went into the house. LOL.

Had dinner and was watching the telly when the cab company called me and told me that my cab was cancelled due to the weather and dangerous road conditions. Oh fuck. Looked outside the window and no shit; everywhere was white with snow. And it wasn't even a thin layer. Called many cab companies and none of them were running. Buses' services were suspended and trains were not running as well.

Nooooo! I had to get my arse to Heathrow by 8am the next day! After some panicking and all, finally managed to find one cab company from London and arranged for an earlier time to go to the airport the next day; and at a higher price too.

Phew~~~

The next day, the cab was a bit late and I didn't realise how much snow there was until I stepped out of the house and my feet sunk into the ground. Ok, I was exaggerating but it did sink in a bit. The snow was about 1-2 inches deep. LOLOLOLOL!

Here's some pics on my way to Heathrow.

Cars stuck on the road

Kinda cute... hee!

More stuck cars

Looked like cake icing :)

So much snow. I couldn't wait to get back into hot, hot Malaysia. And now that I'm home, I miss the cold! Wtf. Why am I so greedy? But on a happier note, I'm getting acclimated to my home temperature again! Wheeee! But now, I dread going back to UK in February. My arse will freeze.

T_T