are u bitchy?

bitch·y
adj. bitch·i·er, bitch·i·est Slang
1. Malicious, spiteful, or overbearing.
2. In a bad mood; irritable or cranky.

I believe there's a bitch in every single girl in the world. Even the nicest, kindest, gentlest laydee in the whole wide world can be the biggest bitch if you push the right buttons. If ur the crazy type, try annoying her when she's pms-ing. A power bitch will be born.

Being bitchy is good sometimes; I believe its a form of self protection and if used wisely, a very effective weapon. That's cos we all know that when it comes to catfights, we girls use our brains instead of bronze. That said, a lady shouldn't be bitchy at all times. You'll just make enemies wherever you go. You may be the Queen Bitch but with hundreds of bitches against you, girl, you won't stand a chance. I'm not referring to myself in any way, in case you were wondering.

Despite that, here a basic lesson in becoming a bitch:

How To Be A Bitch 101
1) Someone you hate/envy asks you for a question - does that bastard make a good shag, is her bf a cheating fuckhead, what to wear, does her bum look fat in those jeans etc. What do u do?
You LIE. (Bitches are one of the best liars in the world so if you're on the receiving end of the bitchiness, tough luck honey)

2) Your bitchy friend shows off her Gucci bag and thinks that your Prada is sooo last season. What do you do?
Secretly make a discreet scratch on her bag and spread the word that her Gucci is fake (*gasp!*) and then point out the scratch to people. "See, told you that its a fake! Omigawd... such a crime to Gucci!"

3) Your boyfriend's mother hates you cos she thinks that ur a slut and a bad influence to her supposedly angelic son. You would really, really like to go to that party his family is throwing cos its a posh event and you can meet many famous people there, but his mom forbade you to go and now your bf is stuck in between. What do you do?

Its time to be a sneaky bitch. In front of your boyfriend, pretend to be as sweet and innocent as possible; act all hurt and teary-eyed because his mom is being a bitch but its alright, you don't want him to get stuck in between and you'd stay out of that event to make his life easier (this will get him mad at his mother). And then, the best bit - secretly dig out the dirt on that woman! Either do it yourself, recruit the help of some friends or hire some private investigator... she's bound to have some skeletons in her closet. Everyone does and since she's been alive for thaaaat long, her skeletons stash must be pretty impressive. Once you have all the goss, arrange a private and confidential meeting with the mother and blackmail. And do remember to give her your signature bitch smile. She earned it.

4) When your friend introduces you to her separate circle of friends (why are they all hot chicks?) and they give you a sympathetic look, you should know that she's been bitching about you; labeling you as her ugly friend who is useful only for homework, u have the ugliest bf ever and he can't even afford a Chanel bag for you etc. What do you do?
Lose weight and go for a makeover. If they're hot and getting all the boys, its for a good reason - they're hot and ur not. Face it, girl. Its time to vamp up! Make yourself hot (take note from fashion mags and all), play the sweet and innocent victim of the bitch's bitchiness, turn her friends against her and steal her bf as well. Then, dump the boy so she can't get back with him again. And finally, laugh as the bitch spirals downwards.


By points 3 and 4, if u've executed it, oh my gawd... u are the ultimate bitch. But be warned, what goes round comes round.

:)